TW//alcoholism/Addiction

“The flood came for all but the man with a boat; God told that man and his family that it’s the end of the world, he said save what you can, save who you care about.

Violence is rarely committed by brave men. Brave men always find another way to settle their debts; they settle their debts with less extreme means, as extreme means are always cowardly; unfortunately for us, God is a coward who hides behind our faith… Who sends their son to settle their debts?

Little men, big men, strong men, weak men, scared men, and enlightened men hold no candle to God, for all these men suffer no sin compared to their Creators, An all-powerful figure who can’t make the right choice. How very human.”

“I don’t think mum would like you saying those things, granddad.” says the small boy hiding half his face under his duvet; the Buzz Lightyear bedding spread tucked him in tightly, the dark room illuminated by the glow-in-the-dark star and planet scattered across the ceiling.

“It isn’t brave to hide behind your mother’s opinions.”

“I’m not.”

“You hide beneath your covers and your mother’s thoughts. She isn’t raising you right, and that’s not your fault; it’s mine. I should have stopped her mother from taking her to church while she was young; there’s little you can do once they get hold of your morals.”

The big light flicks on. A middle-aged woman in a smart navy dress that falls just below her knees, like the reverse of her black hair that falls slightly above her shoulders; her suitor sits in the kitchen waiting patiently for the kettle to finish boiling.

She stands in the door frame, and her father shifts where he sits, getting out of the boy’s face and staring up at his daughter; she doesn’t flinch, his shoulders drop, he takes his glasses off and holds his head in his hands.

“Forgive me.”

“Get out of his room,” she yells. She places her purse on the night-stand and pulls her father to his feet; his heavy regret burdens her shoulders as she struggles to drag him out of the room; her child as her witness, she doesn’t cuss at him and does everything she can in the situation to keep them both from harm.

Her father stumbles into the hall, and she assists him to the kitchen; he takes a seat next to her date and stares at the table,

“Where is the sitter?” she asks,

“I sent her home.”

“Why would you do that?”

Her date sits at the table wide-eyed; he stands and moves over to the kettle and takes two cups out of the cupboard above; he looks over to his date standing disappointedly over her father; she signals that he should get another out of the cupboard, he pulls the last mug from the very back. It reads, ‘This mug belongs to the world’s best dad’.

“You shouldn’t have come tonight,” she says. He looks up at her,

“Then when should I come? You don’t come and see me; you don’t come at Christmas, Easter, your birthday, or his birthday,” he says, pointing back down the corridor at the closed door, “When am I supposed to see you?”

“Take a hint, dad.”

He starts to cry, the tears flowing threw his wrinkles, but they find no placement on his daughter’s heart; she rolls his eyes and takes her coffee and places ‘worlds best dad’ mug on the table; she looks at it and swaps hers and his,

“You haven’t earned that,” her date coughs and whispers,

“Yours has three sugars in, and his only the one.”

She sighs and gives his coffee back,

“You’ve not been going to your AA meetings? Why not?” he looks up at his daughter,

“I can’t, you know I can’t; it’s in that building; how can I?”

“You said you would, you want to be in my life, and as much as it may not seem like that, I would like my dad back; but that is the condition; I need you to be sober… to protect Ryan and me.”

He completely withdraws, scooting his chair two feet away from the table.

“I would never hurt the boy. I’ve never laid a finger on you or your mother.” she sighs and says,

“How do you think seeing you like this, you stink of whiskey and cigarettes, you were yelling in his face; do you think this is how you want to be seen?”

He is about to reply as she continues.

“He looked scared, Dad! He looked just like mum, he looked just like me! I can’t believe you did this tonight. I had forgiven you for everything. I had. But, this is too much; this is everything I feared; I had nightmares you would do this to him. How could you?” She fights the tears and struggles to contain the despair forming in her throat; she looks at him, and he looks at her. They both know.

“Can you do it again?” he asks, taking to his feet, he wobbles, but he stands for only a second; he collapses to his knees, and his daughter takes his hands.

“If you are willing to try, I am prepared to forgive. I cannot make that promise for him,” she says, looking down to her son’s room, “But, if I raise him the same way mum raised me, maybe he will too.”

“We will find you a new group that doesn’t meet in a church… her faith didn’t kill her, and neither did you. She died, dad. She died without knowing your redemption. Still, she would tell me when I was little and scared, ‘he needs help, but that will do him no good without our love and forgiveness.’ she knew you better than anyone, dad; she knew you were ill, and she went to the church every week to pray for you. The worse you got, the more she prayed.”

His daughter took him in a hug.

“She got so distant, she would run off to the church for the whole day.”

“She was trying to save you. She was doing all she could.”

He cries and holds onto his daughter as she gives him the needed warmth.

“I’m not going to give up on you, dad. We’re going to get you the help you need.” She signals to her date, who goes outside and takes a phone call. She sits him back in the chair; after ten minutes, an ambulance appears. He is taken to the hospital and later moved to a rehabilitation centre.

After a year of being sober, his daughter reaches out and invites him to the zoo for her sons birthday; he arrives an hour early with a penguin teddy that has a purple boa tie; his grandson is the first to see him sitting on the bench, he runs over and takes his granddad into a big hug, he whispers into his granddad’s ear,

“I forgive you.”

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